mi mundo en ti.

i don't want to forgive you.
no quiero perdonarme.
nada, huelo
me quiero inclinar sobre ti mientras andamos en el metro.
no quiero nunca llegar
ningún destino
solo caminar, contigo.

yo no escribo poemas
escribo cartas de amor
mensajes de dolor.
me quiero quedar callada
que me vengas a buscar en este seco desierto.
irme, todavía mas lejos. y,
jalar-te
hacia acá, hacia acá.
cuerdas invisibles.
lineas directas
paralelas
distintas velocidades.

no recuerdo tu mirada
mucho menos por que reñimos.
Hay fantasmas que me llaman la atención
con deshonras.
El amor no es venganza.
Débiles los que buscan silenciar el dolor con gestos apresurados.
Yo quiero callar mi boca, para que de ese modo el mundo grite.
Quiero que tu seas ese mundo
habitar en tu hombro
mientras somos
nosotros, cuerpos en movimiento.

flor . muerte

1.*
Brotan hongos de mi cuerpo.
no quiero agua ni medicina.
Los pétalos se han caído.
Me apresure hacia el día de mi muerte,
me parecía una bonita dirección.
De un salto impulse mis raíces fuera de la maceta
y sin sarcófago ahí afuera
me quede.
Por tres años los alegres bailaron
junto a mi cuerpo.
Los necios me daban de beber.
Y tu,
y tu me llamabas.
Eras la luz que me tocaba.
Muerta yo soñaba
ciega ante tu luz.
Ciega, yo soñaba.

Asesina. Fuiste,
asesina.
Vamos quebrando esas macetas ,
una a una, al piso
que quiebra.
Míralas
deslizarse hacia su muerte.
Asesina déjalas ser polvo
y como polvo viajar al horizonte
directo a lo que no es un nuevo mundo. ¿Que es?
¡¿A donde vas?! Asesina,
¿A donde es que vas cuando tu cuerpo ya no pesa?

Yo mate la vida,
Acaricie una vida.
Me mordió esa vida.
Te bese, vida.
Me cagaste el corazón vida.
Cubriré mis ojos con khol negra e iré a tu entierro
vida.

Jamas pose
ni mi alma ni mis pies en un jardín
Jamas tuve maceta
Mis raíces no te encuentran vida
perdida me convertí en  asesina.

despavorida de la luz, me corro
inútil frío no logro quemarme
solo espero poder estrellarme.

Queen of nothing.

No one ever called you princess because you were born a queen. Queen of what? Queen of nothing. Nothing to domain, not even yourself. You are born in dignity, no matter what. No matter, whatever, let them loose. Achieve something that doesn't matter. Human nature, scratch the human, leave the nature. It is all words. No matter. We are made of matter, scratch the matter and there you are, with all the rest. I am God. You don't believe in me because you don't believe in yourself.

Princesses are governed by their mothers and fathers, they obey to that omnipresent creator. Had you not created me, I'd still exist. Had I be given no name, had you never called me, I'd still be. I am not in the I. I am not in your love. I am near. No one dares to have me. No one dares to take me. No one dares to love me. Don't you dare, i will never leave you, I was never with you. I am with all of them, them natural beings.

First, I lived on silly books.
Then I moved to Buenos Aires.
Then I went back home, Quito, and I ravelled.
I fucked and I spit. And I took drugs.
I love you them all, but then I left you. Just like so many have left me.
Now I live in Lima, and now I know South America sucks.
I'm not pissing my pants anymore.
Queen of no domains.
Queen without rule.
Between discipline and nature I choose nature.
I could go to Europe and see the one that sucks is me.
And I might just do that.
But I should just decide, to hide
in a tree.
Hide from my unsensitive socialité dreams.

I am a Queen and the only order I will give
will be to myself, when I finally say
'Off with my own head'

It is about what is underneath our organs. Every morning I wake up wishing I would just die, I hear the words come out of your mouth and I say ‘Craaaa aaa aaap!’. Then I’m out, buildings are falling because homes never rose. I just glance at shit, broken roads, bad weeds, beggars everywhere. I learned not to look. We all learned, we have to.

I wake up and I don’t see the point in dying. I am cold and there is nothing worth it. I enter rooms and it’s all chill. Been injesting ‘somas’ since, hell, I can’t remember when I started. But the doze now is higher. Tight dress, don’t care, cab fare, no complaints just get me to the venue, my friends don’t hug, they just say ‘Open your mouth’ and then, then it is all a fog. Thank god.

It is all darkness. I float through darkness and I see you. I see you, I see you. I feel you. What tunnel? Why walk into a light if the light is me?  
No shame in anything that is natural in me. See me bleed, see my tears.
We are magic. 

Ten Shades Darker

I am ten shades darker, not one bit stronger
Hair long on flare, from time, dyes, 'don't care'
Have seen upon my reflection
I am a fog kaleidoscope, vague and vain colorful self.
Have gazed upon the magnitude of ONE, so many doors to so many  distant places, i don't have them addresses so I choose to wander with the mad instead.
I am ten times drunkest, shared my cup with them vulgar so called artists (modern Bukowskis you have no clue of the manner of a young Henry Chinaski)
'don't bother'

My skin is coarse
My courage is high,
had the lot,
been with the worst.
My spirit got rejected by
the clean, the cool, the punk, the hive,
by you.


I am ten shades darker,
sun hissed 'don't know'.
I am ten times drunkest,
raise my cup when I think of you.
I am ten times kinder,
learned to give the nasty it's proper place so you wouldn't have to deal with my rants.
I am ten times more in love for you.

Guns may blaze, I remain.
Are you a dream? Anyway, 'It's all the same'
I am a bruise, dried up, ill versed, fucked up, 'leave it at that'
I am still dancing when I dream this dream of you and me.

Let them spit when they think of me (do they ever?)
It is clear to me for when I go outside into the streets, it is no longer I carressing the heads of flower selling beggar kids, but it is them kissing my steps. (Bless them kids)

The sun may hiss and hiss
The moon sings softly into my ear.
I will make it without you
I am ALL HEART
and I know that in time above my lonely grave bracing flowers will bash
 with the sun, the moon
and them stars.

Venus tiene los ojos pesados.

Venus después de la fiesta, el único corazón roto es el suyo.
Venus planeta olvidado
duerme sin órbita.
Ha pegado sus ojos a la almohada pues teme que al despertar, sus amantes la hayan olvidado.

'Estas tan lejos Casiopea, podrías estar recostada en esta cama y tenerme entre tus brazos, seguiría sintiéndote lejana. Todas están lejos.'

Es una habitación gigante, sin muros,
una cama vieja y pequeña, ella duerme envuelta en Esmeraldas.
Abajo, no se sabe si hay piso, es una enredadera de cartuchos, y serpientes grandes que no paran de enroscarse unas con otras. Venus duerme
no sabe que mas hacer. Esta cansada de jugar.
Se niega a tomarse algo en serio. No hay con quien bailar.

Los demás dioses andan ocupados, organizando guerras, redactando teorías, construyendo puentes, inspirando a humanos, el solo pensar en tanta actividad la agota.
A veces se siente impaciente, así que se levanta y arregla su cabello,
piensa en encontrarse con Magdalena, pero al rato se da cuenta lo largo que es el viaje.
Desganada se deja morder por la serpiente criada en jardines de Amapolas, vuelve a dormir.
Musita palabras que nadie oirá.
Ella es eterna. Es una condena.

Diciembre 2, 2008
3:17pm

'What troubles me more is the sight of his back as he walks away...'

Damn

marzo 3, 2009 (no se a que va esto)


intente encajar la llave en el orifico

mi punteria suele fallar

el genero no libera mi deseo

equellas excusas ahora pueden ir al excusado

Dial 69 For Sex

Junio 12, 2012
10:48 pm

Cory lived in a single room apartment where her bed, and kitchen coexisted with all the rest. It was winter at the time though it felt like a cold spring day. The sun was distant but its rays were persistant. The small room consisted of a tiny single folding plastic table, a matching plastic chair, and a canister full of fashion magazines, twin size bed used as a couch as well, where she sat spreadily and a pink celular phone. 

Life was easy and private. She got more beauty sleep than prescribed, and had no aspirations. She found joy in the little things. Time for contemplation, enough discipline for daily body lotion application. Magazines, books, shōjo manga. Nights out for dancing, lunch with friends, movies alone. 

Her job wasn't half bad. It didn't require any sort of grooming, transportation. All she had to do was wait by the phone from 9 to 3, answer it, and make the interlocutor come. It did require attention, she was a perfectionist. She was good. The pink phone was only turned on during those hours. Body cleansed and groomed she would go for it. She had her fun. 

Numerous amounts of sexual relationships were formed during those hours. She never faked it. Which was hard with new costumers, if you don't click, you don't click. She wanted them to click and fit, fit into that roar. But most were gross, stupid men, they didn't listen. Why did they call if all they wanted was to jerk off. She went with the flow, she was always polite, she was always protected. 
She liked her regulars, they always clicked, they made her come. They were good. It was hot.

Shadow Heart. (Dec 17, 2012)

It was a fortunate moment when he decided to stay put and quiet. There was something strange going on inside her body, as he pumped her with his erection she felt this strange pressure, it was not painful but incredibly unpleasant. So they stopped, but only for a moment. Her love was a whole, his member on that moment was small. He got up from the floor where they had been laying in order to make no noise (some beds can do so much nagging.) He held his hand in front of her and helped her get up.

Lights were out.
There were shadows and sad hearts.

THORNS (what are they good for?)

i drop you a bomb but i want peace
i want your love
so i built a fort.

Perdida.

amor de neón
solías ser platónico ahora eres virtual.
te quiero, lejano
y te quiero sin que tú me veas, tan solo me ames
Yo también quiero ser un engaño.

Deseo despilfarrarme toda,
ser una promesa nunca concedida.
Beso en el pecho, corazón solitario.
Solía creer que las drogas eran solo para los apasionados
porque el que ama no se pierde en sensaciones banales.
Pues, me canse de esperar por esa emoción,
descubrí que ni las drogas me atrapan.
El sexo me aburre.
Soy indiferente a los gritos de mi estómago.
Ya no quiero fama.

Deambulo por las calles,
me pierdo sola entre mis sabanas.
No me veo. Para ti no existo.
No me quejo.
Desisto, desaparezco.

Iré a Marruecos y me haré el amor a mí misma,
y si me aburro de mí, volveré a perderme
en una cama lejana
nadie oirá los gritos que mis manos me provocan
sin eco, rechazare mis propias caricias.
Desistiré. Dormiré.
Me gasto con prisa haciendo nada
me contagiare de algo.
Si mi cuerpo no franca, entonces mi mente.
La enfermedad, un pasatiempo
danzare frente a la ventana de un mundo que no quiero tocar.
Veré a los desesperados corromperse
no habrá intervención, mi brillo no los cegara.  
Soy la fuerza atenuada 
El potencial desnutrido
El chance perdido.
Amor sin valor.
La mujer sin cara.

(me)- LOVERS

me me me me me me
  me                   me       me    me     me me me
ehm?

seven - Untamed

Queer looking, maybe deranged
an old unfitting leather jacket
that suits your bad boy style so well.
The first time I saw you, I saw this freak
wounded and sick
perverted dog.
Something about you just stuck:
that strange from nowhere but your mouth accent of yours
that unattached 'I am not here' attitude you pose
the serenity with which you spoke
made me think
you wouldn't get excited for anything,

you are far too bright to

care enough      to

get excited.
That  excited me.

Stray
never to be tamed.
Didn't realize it then
but as time
spent together passed --
(I don't wanna think I ever tamed him.)
I rather think of it as
a stray dog had put a leash round my neck and walked me
home.

Soneto a Las Hermanitas Freire por Calih Rodriguez

Ya que estoy publicando cosas que amigos mios me han mandado

publico esta vez algo que mi querido amigo escribio hace como un año no solo sobre mi,

pero sobre mis hermanas.

 

Yo creo que cuando se refiere a 'novia del caos sublime' habla de mi

y que la Diana es la 'caperucita tibia'

pero bien podria ser al reves no?

No creo.

 

SONETO A LAS HERMANITAS FREIRE
por Calih Rodriguez

Son cuatro damas de alígero negro
cual rosas desnudas al invierno crecen
ya pues chch presenten al suegro
porque desde hace rrrato quénmen enloquecen

endentren a mi corazon que voy a ir dando
cabalgaré entre sombras con miel en los labios
... si no es así,pupureas, juro por dios, me cambio de bando.

mar de silentes coronas, aves y encías oscuras
a mi cuarto les llevo a toditasff, sexys gaviotas,
guambritas de diablos pantera,, bocas bravas, panifico de ascensor en mis mejillas, parpadeo
de las alas rubias de la belleza, y les dejo asi con este tremulo anillo de divinidades, amen de escorpiones, corazon cariado por los lepones de la desdicha, "ser o no ser"" . ya duraron otros...
amar o no amar, morir bajo sus pesta;as de arena, desdicho desentierro, amapola de aire, romeo chiro, cassanova de buseta, dandy del "urbano bano bano bar"ustedes son mis noches de arabia.

caperucita tibia, la una
novia del caos sublime, la otra...
angeles y rostros en sus pies, zeus cuida su estrella, otra vez regresare al infierno, yo dormido como escoba de deltas desafios, escospion lunar, sexo de cabezas heridas, labios, ostras belleza carniceria alma, lunar y otra estrella, bebe bebe bebeb dotmita, y como el ni;o sagrado dijo rimbaud

una noche sente a la belleza en mis rodillas y la encontre amargarga, y la injurie

six- constrained

this is the prettiest word to describe you.
yet it doesn't describe you.
it is just that I sincerely wish I had been
constrained
the time I thought it 'nice' to date you and be with you.
I really wish I had not.
even though you might have your good points,
paints well, drives well, talks well, works well, spends well,
everything you do is like, well, ok.
can't say you are a fake
you just lack soul or something.

i'd rather be constrained than be with you.
actually, I wish I was constrained to a beautiful body
me in black mesh bra, no panties
tied down
carress this body.
a tall fierce  man.
lady is a punk
lady is thirsty she wants to hump.

i'd rather be constrained than to be with you.
tiny man, with a tiny heart
and this amaizing will to live.
ugh.

i'd rather be constrained
to a clever intellectual, that is desperate to find his soul
and hear the wisdom of a tree
because so much cleverness makes him sick.
and he is constantly mad at me
not because im free,
but because he is far too clever not to.

anyways,
I'd rather be constrained than to be or write about you.

five - Junkies

A junky is a lost soul that craves for more
A junky wants to feel and see it all.
Some junkies can not love.

FAr away he wants to be, I just want to kiss his lips
have him kiss my face,
even though I haven't tried the things you've tried.
Done the things you've done, I want to feel like
we are one (won).

Want to think I am the FIrst girl you've loved.
Except you wont love me,
you'll run away and say/claim it is for my own good.
fuck you, don't protect me.
fuck you, don't tell me who I should or should not love.
fuck you, I wanna be and fuck with you.

FOr the first time I saw you
I saw no junky
I saw a delicious man
that dreamt of mountains,
our indigenous ancestors,
who could wear a mustache like any other.

A junky is not a junky and nothing more.
I could/ have loved a junky
just don't forsake me.
Instead treat me sweets and happy pills
Let us dive in oblivion together.

My Broken Tights

Friday, January 07, 2011

Broken Tights

My broken tights.

I wasn’t ready for the action,

It took me by surprise. Opened my legs as I felt his fingers crawling

through my loins. Pressure, reaction.  

The sight of a young man sucking licking slowly my nipples, in joy.  He is at peace. He’s found a home.

Take me savage. Make me violent. Hear my roar of desire.

More, more.

 It only lasted a few hours. Three to be exact. I would have wanted a whole night.

A whole lifetime of pleasure, it’s so divine.

Constant interruptions, cell phones, alarms, regrets.

I regret none! I’ve wanted him for so long.

Ask me, where is your man? And I’ll tell thee, “He is not home, he is not with me. I want him far. Away from me.”

Enraged crowd don’t scoll me, for I believe I must stay true to the heart. To the feeling, to the pulse, to his fingers.

The crawly fingers that want more, deeper. The crawly fingers of a young man that find their way into the insides of a young woman.

Cheat! Cheat! I longed for the action.

Cheat! Cheat! Im cheating my heart, my pulse and my desire.

Blame me not for my hot adventure. Blame me yet for this constant neglection.

I shall blame my broken tights, peeping holes into my rosy wet lips.

Regret not. Not thee.

 

Suaves y Blancas

Hoy al mediodía cuando desperté
el vodka me hizo ver todo azul
tres botellas de agua al lado del colchón
escupí muchas veces
pero esta bien
solo es una celebración, porque estuve donde debía estar
en tus tetas,  blancas
en tus costillas
en la nave cabaña que nos protege de la lluvia
donde podemos dormir

y pienso pura mierda
me gustas tanto
que me haces escribir pura mierda

esto no es bruto
es amor
puro.

 

- Jose Ibañez

 

 

******

Este es un poema que un amigo escribió sobre mí en el 2009. Recién me lo paso. Me gusto por que es como, tan malo, que es bueno. Buena mierda. Lo público para no perderlo jamás.