Hang on / Hang. Gone

hey girl, if you are so fearless, take your heart off your head.

I met this P.E teacher, she was a young beautiful and argentinian. Zarpada. She tried to teach me the facts of love, or rather, the facts of control and male domination. She was a brilliant fearless bitch. Her instinct was on, her game was cocky but effective. I listened and decided to hold a restraint over myself. My impulse. Maybe play some chess, so I'd know how to turn heads and maybe break constrains. Don't mind about regrets. And primarly, since we are females, preserving the virginal image that is so very much required.

I was stunned. I had never heard a girl talk the way she did. And trust me, I've talked and overheard plenty of girls. It was this incredible disregard for moral and feelings. For her it was a matter of who was in control. And being a P.E teacher it is no surprise she'd have a competitive nature. I really don't think people were actually fooled, but I am certain they allowed her to play her games without giving her the scarlet letter.
And I have never been able. Not really.

I've been tamed. I've always acted upon the promise of love
and good feelings.
I guess I haven't really lost,
I've been dumped,
been forgotten, neglected, taken for granted.
But there is no loss in that, it is a game in which we all gain.

I was determined to learn a little from her schemes, act upon lust
and forget love, it would come, if it was to come.
And I guess I have been quite keen to it.
My aim isn't to be as her,
for I will never have a competitive nature,
I will never care about being demure and respected
if you wanna call me a bitch, I might as well deserve it.
And I will never be as cold.
I just wanna gain sexual expirience
become a sex god,
keep healthy and joyful. That is pretty much all.

mouth to mouth. heart to heart.
"You are such a nice girl." Fuck You. 
I wanna fuck you up, real hard.  
The marks I asked you to leave in my body, they will only last a few days.
The lies you've told me will remain as truth for as long as my memory will cherish them.

Take some time.

Patience. Everything will be all right.
To be wanted. Fuck love. Give me passion.
I want to make him come. Come again, you and your light preassured twitching.
How is it that he's got no impulse to chase?
It is a game I want to play, but lately everybody is too modern to give a fuck, give a dime. Take some time.

She is the desperate message. The clear response of a chained virgen.
What are these chains for? Am I constrained? Attached to what?
To the promise of wellness and order. I am hectic and spontaneous.
If I want I take. And I will be taken. Why should never matter.
The lack of action is the disease.
Still, I don't act. I only write. I only think. I only wish.
And I care about the why, and specially about how.
I hope upon a smooth approach.

Thing is, I am fragile.
Too much thrubbing gives me pain.
An unloving farewell leaves me astonished.
I am gonna cut your cock off. Or maybe just kiss it. But I need your attention.
And I don't want to beg.

Don't tell me I can look for you, rather you look for me.

She Must Persist

and to be given life means just the same as to being hold back from it.

inside a glass shell she sleeps. lids open, eyes wide shut. count til ten
ten years isn't long enough. a second is the same as eternity.
but its actually been like 3 years... or 22?
She keeps forgetting her age. As it meant something. Her real age is a secret only her soul keeps.
and the knowledge of life and matter, it is between life and matter.

inside that shell she doesnt find comfort. Her ass feels numb and her heart is sore.
"'The vanity in them." Yes. She finds them disgusting. And yes, she can relate.
cause she couldnt think of anyone as vain as her.
So she stays in that shell. Eyes open, lids shut. Mouth open, words out.

The words she speaks can (and certainly do) destroy worlds she hold so precious.
words out, guns blaze. Rip my heart out.
The thoughts she keeps, create hells she cant brake out from.
So she speaks loud, but her voice is weak and it quivers. So the hell remains inside the shell,
yet parts come out to contaminate.
Concepts are her virus, but she must still go on, and learn more techniques.
We fight cause we want peace, she must persist. and spread the disease.

i let the time pass me by

disposable.

expendable.

caught up in past encounters

letting time pass me by

the recolection of faces leaves a sour taste
Engorged. Filthy. Animal.
Fuck my instinct. Fuck eternal love.

Got no trophy. No pursuit.
...... ..... ..... ..... .... ..... (Shit!)
Was it an adventure?
Time passes me by carving judgement upon the memories
the memories of summer and hollidays past
of a sweet november.
The lack of events post a certain action
a certain drive. a certain lust.

The cowardy promise of a forgotten friendship leaves me wondering:

Was it an adventure?

The only things that remain 

are the objects that were at sight

a black canvas hat, a black t-shirt layered over a yellow long sleeve, the dirt in his hand, a broken tight, returned belt, kitchen table filled with smushed brownie left overs and gifts of weed, a lonely bed in which i was left waiting, a book by J.D Salinger, watercolors, joint, take out chinesse food with extra hot sauce, glove compartment, grey billabong thermal top...(List goes on)
Objects given to good will or maybe
to some other girl that casually passed by. (Yeah, that silly girl got my hat. )

So what are we running away from?
Why must we press upon adventure?

You got to live a little, seek a little,
and let your poor heart out to dry.
That's the story of, that's the glory of NOW.
until time rolls by a little

and all that is left is your corpse buried

to feed some littles

that's the story of, that's the glory of NONE.

Forget your awarness of a pathetic being breathing inside of you
Forget the knowledge that everybody around you is crap
and Fuck this desire to let time pass you by.

I Find MySelf

  ...................................in the image of a body 

laying naked in ignorance with crossed arms and closed eyes.

I used to run away ...

and I thought I was gonna run away with You

I'd run away with you

By My Side

But Im just like you: Disposable, exchangeable.

A fool rushed in who desires to feel
but ends up number
day by day.

.... she's just a stupid bitch.

(Yes. I am referring to self)

the ethereal crow

A black bird appeared to me, it seemed to be a crow. Its feathers were so black that as the moonlight hit on them you could see them sparkle white. The bird was big and the touch of his wings with the cool night breeze emitted a beautiful sound. This continuous movement completed a wonderful sad song.

At the moment I couldnt understand the meaning, it caught me by surprise. I just saw this animal reflection in awe. I like crows in the same way I like animals that ought to be respected and feared. Snakes, bears, wolfs and jellyfish. The crow is just the same. My crow was ethereal.

That night as I went to bed my heart pounded hard in a steady pace. I was fearfull, mainly because I didnt understand the origin of this fear. I said to myself -"Fuck it. You've just heard a beutiful song, and you've just seen a bird. And what a bird!" The night is filled with magic.

A few days had to pass in order to comprehend that this crow was mine. It was not chance. It was not luck. What seemed to be a sporadic delight was actually a warning.

Watch out, silly girl, you ought to be a woman. Feed me, for I am you and I can see you are lacking. Time can fade your body away but the spirit remains. Care girl. Grow girl. You ought to be a woman. Feed me or else. 

Its words to me are now so clear. A crow is a dangerous animal. Feed him wrong, and he'll start poking your eyes. One by one, bit by peak. He will rip away all the flesh, eagerly, forcefully, and it will take long. And it will hurt.

Beautiful bird. Try to hear his song, try to understand. Once you know you ought to be exactly what you believe, you'll find communion with him. And both will fly! You can be his song and the warning can evolve into something deep and lovely. Soul is what they call it. But be careful. One single slip can be so meaningful, one single slip can become habit. Fall down once and you might stay down. Be nothing but raw meat.

For me it was too late. I saw him and I heard that awful warning but my brain is too thick to really get things. I knew all along I was doing wrong. Sleeping late, feeling depressed and tired of my friends, chores. Life, ugh. I can easily get lost in a day dream.

He was getting hungry. Hungry for knowledge, for adventure, for love, hungry for a purpose. Oh he was so patient! He, he would follow me through my day dreams! In wistful loving pace he would follow me!

Oh and Time! Oh it is so fast! Faster than me, faster than my crow time is! So when time took this sudden long leap we were left so far behind. Oh and he didn't like that. On that terrible moment he knew he had been loving somebody with a weak lame body. Oh but he was so furious! So he screamed his song in hurtful tone and he plunged his beak, hard! Straight into my  chest and the flesh was ripped and the blood was draining and my eyes were full of "I'm so sorry"s.

And he was sorry too. And I swear I know this because he stopped and he cried and from that moment he never again sang any song. Just tears and strange crowish howls.
I still had a chance, to do something. Let him take me on flight. But I don't know, I just didn't. I was even weaker without that piece of flesh and that enormous amount of blood gone it was harder for me. So I didn't.

And I was so afraid I no longer had any daydreams just this regret and this "I'm so sorry"s. And he got really hungry and bored and frustrated of my lame body. And time that nasty creature was way passed us, mocking us! So my crow he couldn't hold it any longer. So I have this beautiful bird peaking hurtfully day by day into my vain sin. Oh I tell you it hurts.

And I don't know how much longer I'll be able to take it. Time is so far I bet it can't even recall us. I am out of flesh and so so sorry. But you, you are still young! Oh I'm telling you now, you must understand this. You must make music with your crow because if you just stand there. I mean really it is only but natural to move.

one - the bandal

followed by a troop he showed up, ringing and knocking
a bulgar like any other
who caught nothing yet got everything.

one can be born pure, but by the age of 12 everything is forgotten
im ready to open my legs, tell me how much is my body worth.
im just a girl and your lips get me lush

cover myself, promise me something. why cant a bandal pretend?
not to be himself?
demure and long lasting -coin operated
give me a manual

bandals never play it slow
girls in big boobs never get a shot
a chance, the time
to get known.

Lush lips
crossed lips
hot hips
torn midst

i got to leave the country
a bandal and a prune.

seven

they were seven who got caught into the webs of a fabulous woman
seven to drink from her heavy fluids
seven who got ditched by the same bitch
-though a few were the ones who did the ditching

they were seven bandals
poets
absent minded
illiterate
junkies
constrained
untamed lovers.

Cheesy and Mechanic

As time passed the cotton got replaced by lace

They had told me about Satan, but he was never present, not then.
black fur Satan, white scrappy ears and he followed his own rules
people considered him the king of the night and the city streets
i bought by dimes and millions and bubble gum
i bought them with all that i had
them and all their lies.

Satan was as bastard
breeded and neglected. Wild in the structure of structured homes,
in structured blocks, in plain plains, Buenos Fucking Aires!!
I wasn't the complete opposite, quite raised
and somewhat neglected in a home somewhat forgotten - always packed
just as the streets, the closed walls had no laws.
Thought I was invencible
as Satan
braided to carry on
and destroy
all that musn't work.

but I'm cheesy and mechanic
sleezy and contracted
fuzzy and not long lasting
tape recorder withits twists and its SPLITS!

The Pleasure In Breast Feeding

Her only wish was to carry any living inside her tummy, her instinct begged her to allow a sweet savage to knock her up. She would let them eat her wholly though she despised the feeling in it, in them. She knew it was the only way to get what she wanted. Her adolescence passed, filled with the promise that some night someone would pull her by the hair, spank her and have her. She dreaded the idea of being touched by those lusty man. They were to take advantage of her weakness and sodomize her.
Just when her biological clock was taking its last ticks she met a noble man bewitched by her looks, he was eager to take her as her spouse and give her that child she wanted so dearly.

Right when the wedding was through she took charge and did him time and time again, till she got one. One ever growing stomach, she didn't feel satisfied. Nothing felt accomplished but after the child was delivered and ready to suck her tits. Soon enough she had a fat and strong baby, who was only allowed to suck her, and suck her 24/7. Her life was joyful, at last. Her tits expanded in a natural manner, her tits were never unattended. A calm smile overflowed her. She was mother earth, and it was her duty to be milked religiously. Forever.

But the child grew up and became unwilling to suck her. She would have make him but her husband denyed upon it, claiming it should be him the one who does all the sucking. Forced to toy with the idea, she accepted to give it a try. It could be just the same, it could be even better. He claimed that the pleasure would only increase, he said she would feel sweet extasy. He was wrong. His big hands didnt help, she felt disgust. She hated men. And he wouldn't make it any easy, for he didnt just suck her breasts but he sucked lovingly every inch of her beautiful body. She was no longer a giver of life and health, during the ilicit act she became a whore who gave her body in exchange of a doomed dream. Filthy and weak again, she was penetrated and then she knew she was back on track. She had to deliver and milk as many babies till the day she died. Her milk was rich and her bossom sweet, nature had given her power, it was located on her expanding nipples and when she used them it was an inmense force that talked through her, she was delivering a message to her offspring.

She had many strong babies, all boys except for one. The last. It was a she and just like all her older brothers soon enough she grew tired of that enchanting soft bottle. Mother stopped being fertile, and became weak again, untouched and gelous of her lovely baby girl. So she confined herself with her new enemy, her volumptuous daughter, inside the highest tower, never to hear of man again. Never too be touched and be treated like the whores she knew all seductive ladies certainly were.

When mother died, daughter was in her prime, untouched and naive, purest of them all. She was an ignorant banquet, freed at last, unafraid to see the world she knew nothing of. She only knew her mother breasts, and was utterly disgusted by them, for on accasions she had been forced by mother to suck her even though there was no point in it, for she no longer gave any milk, and her body each passing day became more and more bitter.

The daughter was unchained, and she walked outside that tower, with no clue of what the world was like. Remember: She was in her prime.

love/ law FUCK

Hey good loooking what you got cooking??

You might think i love this song just because you love it too.
I love it cause i love it
and i love the fact that you
love it
too.

Hello lover,
today im marrying that boy who is tough and touches me like if im a toy.
Hey,
I love you
For nothing, for living
I thought i’d get handed something
the fact is I simply want you


Now and then
this is the end
no thrubbing -just let it low down
Im sick and tired
Im done of living and believing
Mostly believing on true things
Simplisity and honour:

You are a sweet fuck.. or just an animal
READY
I'll pick, lay low,
violate your insides
FUCing animal
Keep pretending
There is nothing true
In any


You are right beneath me
and i can't simply pay attention
Which juice is worth the squeeze? You, me? THIS

I'm writing, its been a year and I've forgotten about myself
and I hate me for it.

Say hello to this brand new
WOMAN

She'll be a sweet fuck, just like you
and she'll diminish
Pay no attention
Get whatever it is that you want
Im just a body
So are you


REALITY is nothing
The pure imagination of an innocent soul
EAT ME! Hate me! I'm nothing

But a SWEET SWEAT HEAT

snout white

Cold Pure, sing like a rose
wont vanish due to
a 1st kiss.
wake me lover

he will suffer

Yet I know,
so I'm glad. I'm not the only one.
Got a snake dancing inside me, slide
through and through my laberynth.
I doubt weather they get a complex mind
the entonation is foul
it is all the same
but bigger.

You could die anyday, weeks could fly and no one would even notice.
You could be famous and no one would really care.
Give me my share, I want it,
-She won't listen,
she asks, she claims to care
she wont ever listen, yet
she claims she knows.
Oh no. I don't.

I came here to discover
how to wear it bare
and now that im here
I've realized that the source can only show me how to wear
the best disguise
femme fatale? Naive sweetie?
Buff! Puff!
Hop!

I will slide
side by side
and i will learn
to recreate and
re invent
a new fabel
day by day

La Egoista Ve Atras

Sin error ella hallo la razon ditinta
para asi continuar sintiendose miserable.
Fue mas que celos, aquel territorio valdio de su corazon
empezo a cobrar vida.
Vida que la excluye y anula,
seguramente él ahora sonreia.

Ni una palabra mas. ¡Solo quiero tu mano!
y sniffear tu aroma.

No me interesa tu historia
ni tus logros,
por hoy me basta tu persona.

Ni un beso, ni una caricia
Me rehuso a mirar dentro de tus ojos

Solo quiero tu aroma,
que tu presencia sea callada
pero constante.

Quiero poder creer que solo a mi me amas.

La Fuck Verga

La leccion ha sido formulada.
La advertencia señalada.
El esceptico no comprende.

Todo te vale verga... "Cada instante es importante. Cada elemento, particula es importante." ¿Que? En este instante me duele la reciente gastritis y me vale verga. ¿Donde esta lo importante? Un dolor insoportable y tratable que no me puede importar. Detalles mas idiotas hay y habran. Aquel que me importa en verdad ni se pudo despertar. Ya nada me importa.

Esta es la razon por la que decidi cagarla. Y cuando la cago la cago bien. Y no he parado. Una hilera de vergas he vomitado. Hace rato que estuve asqueada.

La accion es facil, el foul no falla. Y me vale verga.
Voy a parar. Parar de fingir complicidad.
La verdad es que solo te queria usar.
La verdad es que conocia de antemano lo limitados que eran tus servicios.
La idealista en mi prefirio dudar (y jugar).
¡He aqui una verga mas a la hilera!
Admiraos vosotros, a que no tienen una hilera tan variada, tan bonita,
tan verga. Esta es mi fuck verga,
te la presento con sinceras nauseas.
Exaltaos vosotros y vedme reir.
Por que esto me causa carcajadas
y mucho hastio, no te olvides del hastio.

This is fact not fiction

Even when you are naked, there are ways not to expose yourself. My single most craved desire is to wear it bare. I don't intentionally lie with my mouth, I lie with my body, with these unstoppable actions.

Oh well, it all depends on how you wanna look at it. Maybe I don't feel you, but I must be able to feel the moment and most importantly, I feel a crazy desire to feel you. I do wanna be wit you, only not forever.

I can feel a decaying motion in what has barely started. The scene that leaves me frozen has been played again. The infinite woman feeds her time impulsively, it is patience what she lacks. Having the power to be the predator lazily she chooses to be the prey. There wont be a climax in whatever it is they chase.

In the need of comfort she reminds herself 'This soon will come to an end'.
And then she feels guilty 'cuz maybe she is not giving him a chance. Maybe he knows he has no chance, for which he summits himself to this charade, in which we pretend we are having fun. And in moments we are, but that s all. There is nothing meaningful in fun.

So, she feels the guilt burning up. What a waste. What an unfair treatment to something as pure. We shouldn't waste any time. We shouldn't portray what is unreal.

The urge is sincere.
The urge for him
the need for proximity
the urge to learn.
She has chosen.
She has already been broken.

the demented is GOne!

Shut the door, wonder why he doesn't get it. He is a brat with a far too simple mind.
Shut the door, get back home. Exhale.
Gaze at the figure who gave you birth, the depression in her waist,
the fury in her eyes. Fear is all around.

I needed to pour something sour. 'Cuz I don't get it.
The source in the light.
I needed to test your reactions.

Cut the crap, open that door. Tell me what I am here for.

Don't mind this, I'm mindless

Can't you tell I'm dead tired?
No ideas in her head, gone and flushed away - with all those few remains, I've managed myself.
Think of it as depressing maybe even shocking
but I can surely bet: You must feel the same.
Been ages now (just a few years but in my heart time lasts so much more)
Done with the idiotic self absorbed mindless consuming asswholes, oh wait I'm one of them.
If I could puke on you trust me I would,
literally and idealisticly. Really.
But my heart is too kind to take you as a gag, told you I'm egocentric.

Lately I've been told there is a use to all this, the pure way sure could be THE way
I can believe in that. Any case it sure is a pretty lie...
Maybe it's just straight forward propaganda anti drug abuse,
sure I can call it propaganda, it's (in this case) positive brain wash towards a lifestyle
and there could be some political/monetary suit behind it,
of whom I don't know shit of.
Anyway, don't mind this, I don't mind this
what bothers me right now is much more deeper
or at least I suspect it is.

I been tired! I been tired! Heck, I've been tired.
P-L-E-A-S-E, let's make it past tense
cuz I'm done.
Pity, useless responsability, mixed morals
Lack of search.

I need to care,
need to try,
give it a try, at least this once.

What have I got to loose? If it actually means nothing I can always go back to not caring.
The only question is, when is it too soon to quit?

Gonna start with the superficial part in my self,
a healthy core wont soar.
cuz yeah man,
T-I-R-E-D spells it.

Been asking for the sooner dead, guess what? This is it.
Kill my fears
Kill my dependency
Kiss kiss kill kill.

Can I spit this out?

Es hora q reconozcas quien eres tu. Una despistada curiosa.... La constante te acerca a la respuesta. Si te escondes esta hara lo mismo. Prueba desde el lado honesto. Todo es aplicable.

sweet november

She is a fucking lesbian you know? A total dike.
She says that when she is with her, its like being home.

The oddity in the fact layed in the casual manner we pursued eachselfs.
Wonder about the force which caused the attraction, how did you catch my eye?
Without any sure intention but experimentation we layed
soon it wasn't only a play.

Must be deeper than what we can easily sense.
You are my cherub and I'll make sure to cherish
every which part